Senior Moments

Senior Moments

My mind is like my internet browser: 19 tabs open, three of them are frozen, and I have no idea where the music is coming from.

Inside every older person is a younger person wondering what the hell happened.

Nine out of ten times when I lose something it’s because I put it in a safe place.

I have reached the point where I’ve stopped lying about my age and started bragging about it.

As you get older three things happen. The first is that your memory goes and I can’t remember the other two.

When is ‘old enough to know better’ supposed to kick in?

I am no longer surprised by the arrival of a new financial crisis - my hairline has been in recession for 20 years.

Sometimes I stop on the stairs to catch my breath and can’t remember whether I was going up or going down.

I do all my own stunts - just never intentionally.

I can still cut the mustard - I just need help opening the jar.

I don’t eat health foods - I need all the preservatives I can get.

When I was younger I wanted to change the world now I just want to change the young.

When I was a child I only stayed up to see in the new year when I was allowed to; now I stay up only when I’m forced to.

I know I’m old. I have to use a pen and paper just to order more than two drinks at the bar.

Why is it that all my interactions with young people start with ‘ah, but back in my day . . .’?

As I get older I get shorter and my anecdotes get longer.

At my age the only thing I want for my birthday is not to be reminded of it.

Wisdom doesn’t necessarily come with age. Sometimes age just shows up all by itself.

Nowadays I automatically convert every metric measurement into ‘old money’ to work out how big it really is. But I’m still confused by having to buy 2.4metres of 2x1 timber.

I don’t do alcohol any more. I get the same effect just standing up quickly.

These days my broad mind and narrow waist have changed places.

I know I’m old; the other day went for my annual check-up at the surgery and discovered they’ve discontinued my blood type.

“ MUSRUM owns all the trees in the world. We should be grateful that he does not take them away as is his prerogative.”

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